Bugs 38 Krons 38


The Bugs were pulling out of the parking lot about to go up to Inspiration Point when Don Driver jumped out on the middle of the road and starting Singing “Pump Pump Goes Your Blood” and never stopped until the final whistle blew on a hot night in ‘Nawlins. The Krons scratched out yet another Monday Night Miracle and let the Bugs know that they weren’t so little after all. Clinton Portis is THE MAN. The Shwartz tips his Fedora to you for having faith in THAT ONE. Bugs, your team, even when it does not fire all the way, still has enough MASH to write history as you wish it to be. The path to the title is still yours, but paths have a way of winding their own way. We were wrong about you and We know you like that. You’re smiling, but the Krons took away your laughter and took destiny for a late night Malt at the Old Arnold’s while Patsi Danced with your girl then let you drive her home to the Cunninghams. Beware the waitress on the Roller Skates – she may not be as she seems. Who is? These two could very well meet one more time for a Lea Championship Dance Under the Sea.

Bug Child: You did Not Win.

Mr. Bug: No.

Bug Child: You did not Loose.

Mr. Bug: No.

Bug Child: What happened?

Mr. Bug: Nothing.

Bug Child: Is that OK

Mr. Bug: What do you think?

Bug Child: I don’t know.

Mr. Bug: No you don’t.


Riders 51 Pals 29


Down by the Pool, in the Hot Miami Sun, the Riders jumped into their Way Back machine and embodied Joe Namath for their fantasy this week – and not only pulled it off, but positioned themselves for yet another post season run, showing once again that you can live your fantasy in your reality despite what the real world tells you to do. Pals, you should not be allowed near a draft again after not only wasting Tony Romo at home against the Niners, but betting against your real world team and coming up with 0 points from your Pony Orange Lush Losers while Darren McFadden dropped in TWO. You got none of him and now he will cause you pain like what you felt looking for a victory then carrying over into the lonely night of fantasy humiliation. Riders, the floor is yours and I doubt very much that anyone will want to follow you after your victory party. All points coming from their Defense, QB and Kicker – Only the Riders. Pals, how did it feel watching Joe March down Broadway with a tan and a nice drink while you stood their shivering in regret? We all know how you feel, because our laughter kept you warm. Riders, way to sack up when you needed it.

Ubes 34 ‘Lics 21


Who are the ‘Lics to talk smack to any of the 7 other REAL fantasy owners out there? London Broiled, you are like an expansion franchise mascot who bought a San Diego Chicken outfit at a Salvation Army store only to find out it was the Roadhouse Rooster for a defunct XFL team. Go away and redefine yourself – you are not even in the book. Ubermen, that was a gut check win and a refusal to die in the stretch run. Aaron Rogers and the Philly D did their part in ensuring victory, despite the fact that Trent Edwards continues to haunt the German Squad. Overcoming mistakes in your fantasy life is a way to make your reality all the sweater, and this week, this week Ubermen, you live again. Win out and those tanks may rumble sweet in December. Heart is what it’s all about ‘Lics, but you may only being seeing the reflection of the Tin Man who starts the Niner D over the Wire in a rivalry game. Ubes, do you have enough to bring home some bacon in a bear market? Well, this week their was enough dog meat on the field to fuel the army. Chutzpa point ala tu.

Wolf Dog Disgrace Follows

London Calling Nobody

Fleas. Tics. Scratch. Clawless.

X 58 Rooks 36


The economy falling into a downward spiral meant nothing to Jerry, as he walked into the Plaza and put down his savings for a lavish weekend for himself and the belt. Oysters, Cigars and a live feed of the Rooks devastation were all ordered in triplicate as X threw a bash for themselves and did it in style. There are those weeks when each update is for you – when each little move of the helmet across the screen is a result in glory. This was double plus good for Jerry as he just kept tossing dollars out to his fans, giving them a treat for staying out the season for him. Rooks, well, there was nothing to be done about something like this. Everyone gets done at point in the season, and your time was now. The Schwartz would like to have seen more of a fight from you and the pole dancers, but the cold of winter and the rise of oil bills to pay off the collectors who come a knockin’ on those castle walls was just too much to handle. Sack up Rooks and run the table or it’s another year of being the rabbit in the Warner Brother’s Cartoon version of the Fable. Jerry, you’re playing out the string like a champ, leaving no point uneaten. Guts you have. Class, you have. A miracle? Let’s see what you can do about such things. This week, the Schwartz will flip the bill for the dry cleaning – call it an early Chanuka present for ‘Ol Irv. Rooks, remember, the key is doing what you would not do.

Bugs 46 Rooks 21


There they were – The Rooks, all dressed up in their Sunday Best ready to take down the first place Bugs and solidify themselves as a force in the league this year and live up to the Schwartz’ Calamari visions. There were the Bugs, sitting in their lounge chairs with their maids dressed up in their petite uniforms serving Chai Tea and Vegan Hot links to the kids. And what happened, well, Phil Dawson delivered a Cleveland Steamer right to the Rooks underbelly as Maurice Jones Drew watched from the sideline while his real world TDs could not be cashed at the Fantasy Land Bank. Bugs, Even when you don’t score this year you do, and for that, you are the favorite heading into Playoffs. We don’t see a weakness on this squad and we’re not looking for one because – wait, what’s that smell? Rooks, please – PLEASE put your playbook away – What? What is that? No, there are no points for effort. How long have you been playing this game? Anyway, Bugs this team has the Chutzpa and passion to take the belt. Rooks, you must now fight for the last piece of meat on the plate, but looking around the table, there are some folks that look to be a little hungrier than you.

Bug Child: Mr. Bug, this is my first experience with these kind of girls – the Rook Dancers!

Mr. Bug: This is your reward for being loyal. We like loyalty.

Bug Child: Do I have to share my lunch with her after she is finished?

Mr. Bug: Having a Rook girl means never having to say you’re sorry.

Bug Child: I didn’t say that.

Mr. Bug: You don’t have to. You’re a Bug Child.

Bug Child: I am.

Krons 34 X 32


Jerry was ready to climb back into the race against a Krons team that is talking more smack than a West Hollywood AA meeting. X took the lead and sat up in a private box in Buffalo on Monday Night sipping brandy and waiting for some divine intervention in Buffalo, but soon found out that God forgot about Upstate New York some time ago, and Trent Edwards threw 3 picks in the first quarter, leaving Jerry looking like a man who just received a knife full of Kron. Which he did. Say Goodnight Jerry. Krons, again you did what you needed for another victory despite loosing your two starting backs, and for that you get another sack of gold to go skipping around the frigid field of Orchid Park in a victory lap that will burn Jerry from the inside. You are playoff bound Old Man Kron, so let’s see if you can close the deal. Your smack is strong and your team is doing the Neutron Dance. Rumble young man rumble, glory is close at hand. Just remember, what is close is never as close as it is. Tuck ’em in Nice Krons – Cleveland loves the Lea Brothers because they secretly donate 38 cents of each pay check to the Rock N’ Roll Hall of fame. Jerry, you are just not Rock N’ Roll enough for this year so go on and Git!

Pals 39 Ubes 36


This one is already running on ESPN classic Fantasy Games. Down by 9 going into Monday Night, Marshawn Lynch told the Ubermen not to worry – that he would deliver the miracle after 4 days of bloody battle in which these two old rivals matched each other blow for blow. During the closing minutes, Lynch broke free for a 14 yard gain that put him over 100 for the game and was heading to the endzone for the win when he fell at the 1 yard line. Trent Edwards ran in the sneak, which would have been enough had the Ubes had him in, but they didn’t, and the Pals limped off the battlefield with the victory. Have the Ubes slept since that? Will they be playing it over and over in the basement of whatever bunker they are fighting out of looking for a different result? It matters not now that the unreal has become real and, therefore, history. The Pals rode a steady ground game and the first two touchdown career day from Little Bowe Pete Pal and crushed the hopes of the Ubermen, who now must win out and pray for others to fall. God doesn’t listen to those who only call when they need something. Maybe she does, The Schwartz knows not the lord. The Pals move on with the upper half while the Ubes sink further below .500 and can only think of the mistakes they made in a game they should have won. The battle of Gettysburg will be remembered for a cold night in Buffalo where the only warm Germans were the links being roasted outside the stadium. Pals, we don’t see you making it too deep in the post season as your backfield suffered injuries in this game, but anything can happen, just ask the Rooks. Nobody likes an Angry German in the Winter. Time to change things up Ubermen as the past two years have proven that your tactics lack “tact” and “it”