Archive for the ‘Week 11’ Category

Bugs 46 Rooks 21


There they were – The Rooks, all dressed up in their Sunday Best ready to take down the first place Bugs and solidify themselves as a force in the league this year and live up to the Schwartz’ Calamari visions. There were the Bugs, sitting in their lounge chairs with their maids dressed up in their petite uniforms serving Chai Tea and Vegan Hot links to the kids. And what happened, well, Phil Dawson delivered a Cleveland Steamer right to the Rooks underbelly as Maurice Jones Drew watched from the sideline while his real world TDs could not be cashed at the Fantasy Land Bank. Bugs, Even when you don’t score this year you do, and for that, you are the favorite heading into Playoffs. We don’t see a weakness on this squad and we’re not looking for one because – wait, what’s that smell? Rooks, please – PLEASE put your playbook away – What? What is that? No, there are no points for effort. How long have you been playing this game? Anyway, Bugs this team has the Chutzpa and passion to take the belt. Rooks, you must now fight for the last piece of meat on the plate, but looking around the table, there are some folks that look to be a little hungrier than you.

Bug Child: Mr. Bug, this is my first experience with these kind of girls – the Rook Dancers!

Mr. Bug: This is your reward for being loyal. We like loyalty.

Bug Child: Do I have to share my lunch with her after she is finished?

Mr. Bug: Having a Rook girl means never having to say you’re sorry.

Bug Child: I didn’t say that.

Mr. Bug: You don’t have to. You’re a Bug Child.

Bug Child: I am.


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Krons 34 X 32


Jerry was ready to climb back into the race against a Krons team that is talking more smack than a West Hollywood AA meeting. X took the lead and sat up in a private box in Buffalo on Monday Night sipping brandy and waiting for some divine intervention in Buffalo, but soon found out that God forgot about Upstate New York some time ago, and Trent Edwards threw 3 picks in the first quarter, leaving Jerry looking like a man who just received a knife full of Kron. Which he did. Say Goodnight Jerry. Krons, again you did what you needed for another victory despite loosing your two starting backs, and for that you get another sack of gold to go skipping around the frigid field of Orchid Park in a victory lap that will burn Jerry from the inside. You are playoff bound Old Man Kron, so let’s see if you can close the deal. Your smack is strong and your team is doing the Neutron Dance. Rumble young man rumble, glory is close at hand. Just remember, what is close is never as close as it is. Tuck ’em in Nice Krons – Cleveland loves the Lea Brothers because they secretly donate 38 cents of each pay check to the Rock N’ Roll Hall of fame. Jerry, you are just not Rock N’ Roll enough for this year so go on and Git!

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Pals 39 Ubes 36


This one is already running on ESPN classic Fantasy Games. Down by 9 going into Monday Night, Marshawn Lynch told the Ubermen not to worry – that he would deliver the miracle after 4 days of bloody battle in which these two old rivals matched each other blow for blow. During the closing minutes, Lynch broke free for a 14 yard¬†gain that put him over 100 for the game and was heading to the endzone for the win when he fell at the 1 yard line. Trent Edwards ran in the sneak, which would have been enough had the Ubes had him in, but they didn’t, and the Pals limped off the battlefield with the victory. Have the Ubes slept since that? Will they be playing it over and over in the basement of whatever bunker they are fighting out of looking for a different result? It matters not now that the unreal has become real and, therefore, history. The Pals rode a steady ground game and the first two touchdown career day from Little Bowe Pete Pal and crushed the hopes of the Ubermen, who now must win out and pray for others to fall. God doesn’t listen to those who only call when they need something. Maybe she does, The Schwartz knows not the lord. The Pals move on with the upper half while the Ubes sink further below .500 and can only think of the mistakes they made in a game they should have won. The battle of Gettysburg will be remembered for a cold night in Buffalo where the only warm Germans were the links being roasted outside the stadium. Pals, we don’t see you making it too deep in the post season as your backfield suffered injuries in this game, but anything can happen, just ask the Rooks. Nobody likes an Angry German in the Winter. Time to change things up Ubermen as the past two years have proven that your tactics lack “tact” and “it”

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‘Lics 41 Riders 32


The Riders thought they could go out there, throw up a Lazy Day 30 something and walk away from the Wolf Den with some extra chow for the group of hungry Stache folks who have not eaten right for weeks. No Sah! The ‘Lics muscled up and took the Riders ’round the shed and showed them how they do things in the South Side of London – No Flavor just a bunch of self righteousness and a handful of SUCK ON THIS. London Broil Smack was backed up with a Frank Gore Bay Area Charity auction for the Make A Wish Foundation where all the little ‘Lics were given a starter 22 ounce and told to work their way up to the big time. The Wolf Dog climbed to the top of the mountain and looked out over the horizon at what might have been had they been able to..to..play the Rams every week? You Betcha. Matters not Rider bottle recycling crew – you should have gut checked yourself to a win but instead you must eat dirt for a week and hope that’s enough to make it to the finish line. Show me what your made of Riders – well, don’t show me, we want to sleep at Night.

Bring the Pain Wolfie:


Wolf Dog Feel the wind

Head out of car window. Treat.

A day in the sun.

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